Brown Brown & Associates 'What's New' Blog

• In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
• Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
• Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
• Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
• Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
• The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
• Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
• Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
• Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
• The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
• The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
• The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
• The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
• Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

The entire Phase 1 scope of work as seen from above.

FBCC Ministry – Sports-Pocket PC

Play Fountain plaza between the two playgrounds.

 

The new Sports Ministry Complex of FBC-Carrollton is underway!  The tractors and bulldozers are on the land, the surveyors have staked the property, and the plans have been put together.  Once the City gives a nod of approval, construction preparations will be underway.  The construction project includes:  

• 2 lighted soccer/football fields
• 2 lighted softball/baseball fields with stands and bleachers
• 4 lighted sand volleyball courts
• 7,000 square feet Sports Ministry Building including 3 meeting rooms (these can convert to 1 large room) and open to the outside, restrooms, offices, and lounge area with self-serve coffee station
• separate playgrounds for toddlers and children with a “sprayground” for all ages
• covered pavilion area for picnicking and barbecuing
• concession stand
• walking trail

Benefits of this sports ministry include an evangelism strategy, a discipleship tool, and a means for fellowship.

• Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
• Why do they report power outages on TV?
• Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
• Why do ‘tug’boats push their barges?
• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• Why do we have hot water heaters?
• Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
• Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
• Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’, when we are already there?
• Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
• Why do you weep and sniffle over a TV program and the imaginary Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
• Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
• Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?
• Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
• Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?
• Why don’t sheep shrink in the rain?
• Why don’t you ever hear about gruntled employees?
• Why don’t you ever see baby pigeons?
• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
• Why is a women’s prison called a penal colony?
• Why is it called a “building” when it is already built?
• Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
• Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
• Why is it called ‘after dark’, when it is really after light?
• Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
• Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
• Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
• Why is it when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open it’s not adoor?
• Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a “near miss”?
• Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
• Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
• Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
• Why is the word “abbreviate” so long?
• Don’t you have to get up to get to the tape?
• Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
• Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
• Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards?
• Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Three aged men were out walking.  The first one said, “It’s windy!”  The second one replied, “Feels like Thursday!”  The third one answered, “Me too, let’s go have a cold drink!”

• Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
• The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
• David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
• He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
• Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
• When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
• When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
• Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
• St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
• Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
• He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”
• It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
• The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
• One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
• St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.  He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
• A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

• What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
• What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?
• What happened to the first 6 ups?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
• What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
• What is another word for “thesaurus”?
• What is the speed of dark?
• What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
• What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
• What’s another word for synonym?
• When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
• When people lose weight, where does it go?
• When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
• When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
• When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
• When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
• When you’re sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
• Where are Preparations A through G?
• Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
• Who invented accents?
• Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
• Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
• Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
• Why are there never any artist’s materials in a drawing room?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Why are they called ’stands’ when they’re made for sitting?
• Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn’t we be afraid of the sudden stop?
• Why aren’t there bullet-proof pants?
• Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Why didn’t Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?
• Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won’t they all stop eventually?
• Why do bars advertise live bands?
• What does a dead band sound like?
• Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
• If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
• Why do guys wear underpants?
• Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?

10. You begin each meeting with “Can you hear me in the back?”
9. You couldn’t finish the committee introductions in the first meeting.
8. You must have Trustee approval for the doughnut bill.
7. It’s your second year as a committee, and you still have to wear nametags.
6. You have three or more “Bobs”.
5. You to go electronic ballots to make quicker decisions.
4. Your Committee photo takes up facing pages in the church directory.
3. You have to elect a Parliamentarian.
2. You hold your meetings in a room used for weddings.
1. You have to staff a nursery, children’s and youth program during meetings

• If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
• If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
• If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
• If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
• If you have an open mind why don’t your brains fall out?
• If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says — “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”, how can that be possible?
• If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong?
• If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
• If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
• If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you’re done?
• If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
• If you take a shower, where do you put it?
• If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
• If you’re traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
• Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
• Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?
• Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
• Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Is there a Dr. Salt?
• Isn’t hot water already hot?
• Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
• Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
• Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
• Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• Shouldn’t it be called a “near hit”?
• Shouldn’t it be some things in moderation?
• Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
• There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
• What came first the chicken or the egg?
• What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
• What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?
• What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
• What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
• What do sheep count when they can’t sleep?
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?